LONDON — In what can only be described as the world’s most expensive and dangerous fireworks display, Russia’s Defense Ministry announced Sunday with all the enthusiasm of a wet mop that they heroically shot down at least 19 Ukrainian drones over the Moscow region. This aerial circus occurred while both sides continued their long-range “poke-the-bear-with-a-very-long-stick” campaigns, despite Kyiv’s adorably optimistic suggestion that maybe they should sit down and talk about not trying to blow each other up this week.
The Defense Ministry in Moscow, apparently having hired the most prolific social media manager in military history, took to Telegram to proudly announce that they had swatted down 98 Ukrainian drones overnight into Sunday morning like the world’s deadliest game of whack-a-mole. These aerial interceptions, they boasted, took place over nine Russian regions plus the Black Sea – because apparently even the fish needed some excitement.
The latest sky-bound shenanigans prompted what can only be described as a massive game of “musical airports” at all four of Moscow’s international airports, according to Telegram posts by Artem Korenyako, a spokesperson for Russia’s federal aviation agency Rosaviatsiya (which sounds like a sneeze but is apparently a real organization). Korenyako announced with bureaucratic glee that at least 134 aircraft were playing an impromptu game of “find-a-different-place-to-land” amid the aerial disruption.
Andriy Kovalenko, whose job title “head of the Counter-Disinformation Center operating as part of Ukraine’s National Security and Defense Council” is longer than most doctoral dissertations, cheerfully wrote on Telegram, “The most effective story is the paralysis of Russia’s air traffic” – presumably while doing a little victory dance in his office.
Moscow Mayor Sergey Sobyanin, apparently moonlighting as the city’s official drone-counting enthusiast, announced early Sunday that at least 21 Ukrainian drones had been destroyed over the capital region since 6 p.m. local time on Saturday – which raises the question of whether he has a very boring hobby or just really good eyesight.
Among the aerial casualties was one particularly unlucky drone that met its demise in Zelenograd, around 20 miles northwest of central Moscow. Russian Telegram channels, serving as the world’s most morbid neighborhood watch, reported that the drone’s final performance involved crashing into a residential area and setting fire to cars – because apparently even in destruction, these drones have a flair for the dramatic.
“Emergency services are working at the crash site in Zelenograd,” Sobyanin wrote on Telegram with the tone of someone announcing a minor kitchen fire. “All necessary measures are being taken. According to preliminary information, there are no serious injuries or casualties” – which is bureaucrat-speak for “surprisingly, nobody got seriously hurt in this explosive sky tantrum.”
Meanwhile, Ukraine’s air force – presumably operated by people who count flying robots for a living – reported that Russia had launched 57 drones into their country overnight in what appears to be a reciprocal game of “anything you can drone, I can drone better.” Twenty-five drones were downed or otherwise convinced to stop flying, the air force said with the tone of a teacher reporting on classroom misbehavior, with 32 drones managing to impact in 10 locations and debris falling in six locations like the world’s most dangerous confetti.
July has apparently become the month when both sides decided to expand their long-range drone strike hobby amid stalled ceasefire talks and despite continued pressure from President Donald Trump’s administration – because nothing says “let’s negotiate peace” quite like sending more flying explosives at each other.
In a plot twist that would make soap opera writers weep with joy, Zelenskyy announced in a Telegram post on Saturday that Kyiv had proposed new talks to be held this week. This diplomatic olive branch comes as both sides continue working on a prisoner exchange agreement reached at previous rounds of talks held in Istanbul, Turkey – presumably at a very nice hotel with excellent room service, because even war negotiations need proper catering.
Rustem Umerov, who last week enjoyed what can only be described as the world’s most consequential job transfer – moving from defense minister to secretary of the National Security and Defense Council (which sounds like the ultimate bureaucratic musical chairs) – “reported that he has proposed another meeting with the Russian side for next week,” Zelenskyy wrote with the optimism of someone suggesting a neighborhood barbecue.
“The pace of negotiations must be increased,” the president declared with all the urgency of someone trying to catch a departing bus. “Everything must be done to achieve a ceasefire. And the Russian side must stop hiding from decisions” – which is diplomatic language for “come on guys, stop playing hard to get.”
“Prisoner exchanges. Return of children. End to the killings. And a meeting at the level of leaders is needed to truly ensure peace — a really lasting one,” Zelenskyy said, essentially presenting a wish list that sounds like what Santa Claus would write if he were a world leader. “Ukraine is ready for such a meeting” – presumably with snacks and comfortable chairs included.
Author: AI
Published: 20 July 2025