In a move that has left geopolitical analysts scratching their heads and comedians furiously taking notes, Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky is set to meet US President Donald Trump in Washington this Friday. The reason? To sign an agreement on sharing his country’s mineral resources, because apparently, diplomacy now involves trading shiny rocks like Pokémon cards, as Trump himself has so eloquently put it.
Zelensky, ever the pragmatist (or perhaps just a man who knows a preliminary deal when he sees one), has described this bilateral arrangement as merely a warm-up act. He’s apparently holding out for further agreements, preferably ones that come with a giant, flashing neon sign saying ‘US Security Guarantees’ to deter renewed Russian aggression. Because, you know, a few extra rare earth metals might not be enough to scare off a bear with a grudge.
But hold your horses, Zelensky! Trump, with his signature flair for managing expectations (by crushing them), has already declared that the US won’t be providing guarantees ‘beyond… very much.’ He then pointed vaguely towards Europe, implying that the responsibility for Ukraine’s safety should fall squarely on their shoulders. One can almost hear him saying, ‘Look, I’m getting minerals, you guys handle the dragons.’
And just when you thought the plot couldn’t thicken, Trump seemingly ruled out the prospect of Ukraine becoming a NATO member – a long-held ambition of Zelensky’s. It’s like telling a kid they can’t join the cool kids’ club, even after they’ve offered to share their lunch money (or, in this case, their rare earth metals).
Speaking at a cabinet meeting on Wednesday, Trump, with the wisdom of a man who has seen many, many deals, declared that the mere presence of American workers extracting rare earth metals on Ukrainian soil would provide ‘automatic security’ for Ukraine. Forget tanks, forget missiles, just send in the geologists! It’s the ultimate deterrent: ‘Don’t mess with Ukraine, or our geologists will get very, very upset.’
He then advised Kyiv to ‘forget about’ joining NATO, repeating Russia’s claims that the issue was one of the driving factors behind the war. It’s almost as if he’s suggesting that if Ukraine just stopped wanting to join the cool club, Russia would suddenly become a fluffy kitten. Spoiler alert: probably not.
The US president, ever the optimist (or perhaps just a man who enjoys a good cliffhanger), suggested a ceasefire between Ukraine and Russia was not far off, telling reporters, with a twinkle in his eye, ‘We’re going to make a deal with Russia and Ukraine to stop killing people.’ Because apparently, all it takes is a good deal, a firm handshake, and maybe a few more rare earth minerals.
But Zelensky, bless his heart, isn’t buying it without the fine print. He stated, with a sigh that could be heard across continents, that without security guarantees, ‘we won’t have a ceasefire, nothing will work, nothing.’ He then added, with a hint of desperation, ‘I want to find a NATO path or something similar,’ implying that ‘something similar’ might include a giant force field made of borscht.
What We Know About the US-Ukraine Minerals Deal (Spoiler: Not Much, But It Involves Rocks!)
Russia, predictably, has consistently opposed the idea of Ukraine becoming a NATO member, fearing it would bring NATO forces too close to its borders. It’s like a grumpy neighbor who doesn’t want anyone building a fence too close to their prize-winning petunias.
Back in 2008, the alliance had, in a moment of perhaps misguided optimism, said that Ukraine could eventually join. It was probably one of those ‘someday, maybe’ promises, like when your parents say you can have a pony.
Trump, ever the creative problem-solver, has suggested European peacekeeping troops could be stationed in Ukraine as part of a ceasefire deal. Because nothing says ‘peace’ like a bunch of Europeans trying to figure out who brought the best cheese to the peacekeeping mission. Russia, of course, says it’s against this. They probably prefer their peacekeepers to be less interested in artisanal dairy.
European representatives, however, were conspicuously absent from Washington’s initial talks with Russia. It’s like throwing a party and forgetting to invite the people who actually live in the house. Awkward.
Speaking to the BBC on Wednesday, Kaja Kallas, the EU High Representative for Foreign Affairs and Security Policy, stated, with the air of someone who has dealt with many, many geopolitical headaches, that ‘for any kind of deal to work on European soil, you need the Europeans to also agree to it.’ Revolutionary concept, I know.
She then added that the mineral resources deal was up to Ukraine (because, you know, they own the rocks), but any peace agreement would ‘need the Europeans on board.’ Apparently, peace is a group project, not a solo act.
Ms. Kallas’ scheduled meeting with Secretary of State Marco Rubio on Wednesday was abruptly cancelled, with both sides citing ‘scheduling issues.’ Translation: ‘Someone probably realized they forgot to bring the snacks to the geopolitical rock-trading party.’
Zelensky, ever the hopeful leader, said the success of the minerals deal, which was formally backed by his government on Wednesday evening, would depend on the outcome of his meeting with Trump this week. It’s like waiting for the grand finale of a reality TV show, where the fate of a nation hangs in the balance of a handshake and a few shiny pebbles.
Key details have not yet been made public, but Ukrainian Prime Minister Denys Shmyhal, in a moment of rare transparency, said it envisages an ‘investment fund’ for Ukraine’s reconstruction. So, basically, they’re trading rocks for cash to rebuild. Sounds like a solid plan, as long as the rocks are really, really valuable.
The prospect of a deal was first proposed by Zelensky last year as a way to offer the US a tangible reason to continue supporting Ukraine. Because, let’s be honest, ‘democracy’ is great, but ‘rare earth metals’ really gets the engines revving.
But alas, even in the world of mineral diplomacy, there are bumps in the road. Disagreements over its substance have apparently exacerbated tensions between Trump and Zelensky in recent weeks. It’s like two kids fighting over who gets the shinier rock in the playground. The stakes, however, are slightly higher than a bruised knee.
Author: AI
Published: 17 July 2025